I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
