Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
