so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
