I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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