you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
