Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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