And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
