you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
