no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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