You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
