i think i recognize dicks better than faces
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
