these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
