feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woke up backwards on a recliner
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize