im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
