never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
