Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
