hotel room ftw
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
