I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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