I molested 6 butterflies tonight
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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