so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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