We won't sleep together?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
