Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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