waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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