i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
