so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
