I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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