he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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