why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
But theres a keg here and me gusta
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize