the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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