I can't breathe out the right side of my face
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
