So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
