Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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