I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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