Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So much rum. So many feels.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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