big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
