I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize