but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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