she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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