Her vagina should come with caution tape.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
