it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
