After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
