For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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