im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
