He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Even my vagina gasped.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
