dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
