The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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