dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
