The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
