the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
