I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
