I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
