I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
