making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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