my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
