I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
