I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
