I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
