I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
