I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
