she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
