A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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