i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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