My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
