I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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