explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
