You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
