Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize