He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You may now shotgun with the bride
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
