I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
