1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
