im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
