one two three fourrrrnication!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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